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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955224">The Arcane Advisor</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baccatapages/pseuds/Baccatapages'>Baccatapages</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Arcane Advisor [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arranged Marriage, Experimental Magic, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Implied (sort of), M/M, Pining, TOO MUCH, The use of the word 'fuck', Threesome - F/M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:08:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baccatapages/pseuds/Baccatapages</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Arcane Advisor, shunned from the Dalish and looked down on by shemlen, by humans, has an intrinsic past she dare not share. As an Advisor to the Inquisition on all things arcane, she pushes magic to its limits. She finds a place in the Inquisition after wandering for so long.<br/>It's only a matter of time when the past comes to bite her on the ass.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alistair/Original Female Character(s), Alistair/Original Female Character(s)/Cullen Rutherford (Mentioned), Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Fenris/Male Hawke, background Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Arcane Advisor [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Arcane Advisor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW (?) - The Arcane Advisor starts off as 16 in this and this may be considered 'underage' for some, even though nothing explicit happens</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Damn, this is not how i wanted to start my day. </p><p>Waking up in a cold prison cell with my magic drained was, quite frankly, terrible, and now i found out from some wanna-be templar that they're going to make me tranquil before the day is done. I glare daggers at the templar who's older than me by a few years, but still young by Templar standards. He looks vaguely distressed at the prospect of me becoming tranquil, though i don't know why. I sort of recognise him. I've seen him watching the few lessons i actually attended and saw him hovering in the library a few times. </p><p>Maker, i can't even remember his name. </p><p>Mostly because i'm a bit preoccupied with the fact that i'm going to be fucking made tranquil.</p><p>I passed my Harrowing (a fucking stupid trial, by the way) so they have no reason to make me tranquil. The templar won't tell me much of anything, either. </p><p>Another, older templar, comes along and shoos away the younger templar, tsking, saying that he - Cullen, that was it - isn't meant to be here and he knows it. The young templar throws me a bashful look before hurrying away with his tail between his legs. </p><p>Irving and Greagoir show up a little while later. The mage looks distressed and the Knight-Commander looks grim. "Come, child." Irving - the fucking bastard, trying to play nice - tries to coax me out of the cell when a templar opens it. "It doesn't hurt, i promise."</p><p>Hogwash, i think. They're taking me to the gallows, expecting me to come back without my fucking head like it won't hurt. I'll be damned to the Void and back if i let them take me quietly. I may not have magic, but i can use a sword plenty fine. </p><p>I can't tell if the templars want to laugh or not when i steal a sword. Their indecision is short-lived, however, because one is suddenly bleeding out on the stones and i'm sprinting as fast as my legs can carry me. I can hear voices shouting after me and the templars patrolling the halls try to block my path. I throw one - a woman, Brenda (?) - head over ass and kick another in the balls. </p><p>I should make it clear to you that i don't actually like hurting people. The thought of killing someone makes me want to vomit. And, before you get up in arms about my escape from the Circle, no, i didn't kill any templars. </p><p>Derrin can't have kids now, though.</p><p>My mana is trickling back at an agonisingly slow pace, but it's enough create a wall of ice blocking the corridor. I may not have to deal with Greagoir or Irving for the moment, but there are still other templars. Fortunately for me, i'm not wearing any of the ridiculous robes and shoes that the templars insist we wear because no one can run in those. Unfortunately for the templars, they were dressed in heavy plate armour.</p><p>Sucks to be them.</p><p>I'm in the process of carving my way through templars - ugh, there's just so many - when i come face to face with a man who does not look like a Templar. He looks to be Rivaini descent and mildly surprised at me brandishing a sword. "Move." I say, teeth gritted. "Or i'll make you move."</p><p>Mystery man raises an eyebrow and draws his two blades. Fine, if that's how he wants it.</p><p>Don't say the Dalish never taught me anything.</p><p>MM has the advantage, what with two blades, but i have some pretty dirty tricks up my sleeve. The fight is a flurry of slashes and dives and rolls and kicks (I broke his nose, by the way. Elbows are useful.) until MM lay on the floor, panting, with a blade at his throat.</p><p>"Enough!" Greagoir roars, pushing his way past the mages and templars that had gathered to watch. "Mage, that is no templar, that is a Grey Warden!" The Knight-commander hisses. "Release him at once!"</p><p>Well, fuck.</p><p>He doesn't look like a Warden. Granted, he doesn't look like much, but still. </p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>I remove my blade slowly and Mr Grey Warden climbs to his feet, out of breath. "That was quite the performance." He says, brushing his armour off. "Are you a mage?"</p><p>"Won't be for much longer, if they have their way." I nod to Greagoir and Irving. The First Enchanter looks pained. </p><p>"Chain her." Greagoir barks to the templars, only for me to brandish my stolen sword again. </p><p>"One moment, Knight Commander." Mr Grey Warden interrupts. "I wish for this young mage to join the Grey Wardens, if she will accept."</p><p>I nearly drop my blade.</p><p>Why the fuck would Mr Grey Warden - whom i nearly killed, thank you very much - want me to become a Grey Warden? The only thing i could think of as being Worse<sup>TM </sup>is becoming Tranquil. </p><p>Ugh, i see his point.</p><p>Greagoir looks ready to explode.</p><p>"Why not?" I shrug. </p><p> </p><p>Right so.</p><p>It's not my fault i got lost in the Wilds. I was wandering along with Ser Jory, Daveth, Alistair and Theron when i saw three wolves, barely old enough to be away from their mother, huddled under a tree. I had a horrible feeling that the darkspawn had killed the wolves that these pups belonged to. So, of course, i wander away and try to help them.</p><p>Healing isn't my 'thing', but i'm not too shabby. Fortunately, they're not badly hurt, just cold and hungry. They practically devour the two rabbits (poor bastards) that i caught and seem much happier once they have full bellies. I hope and pray to the Creators that their mother comes back but, from the way the pups stumble after me when i try to leave, i doubt that she is. It's just as well. </p><p>I have no idea where i'm going.</p><p>I try to find the path i was on before, to find Ostagar again, but after hiding behind some trees as a fucking hoard of darkspawn march past me (the wolves are, thankfully, quiet), i decide not to go that way. And when one of the puppies (who i've named Akela) tears off after a bird that he sees, i and the others job along.</p><p>We come to a hut where a svelte, dark-haired mage is waiting for us. She says her name is Morrigan and wonders why i'm in the wilds. After i explain what caused me to be there, she lets me stay with her and her mother until the darkspawn have moved on.</p><p>When i wake up, i'm surprised to find Alistair and Theron there.</p><p>After Alistair is done shouting and raging at me for wandering off, the three of us start formulating a plan. Alistair and Theron are the only Grey Wardens left in Ferelden so they carry a pretty fucking heavy burden, trying to stop the Fifth Blight. </p><p>Flemeth sends them on their way with another mage added to their tiny company. </p><p>I kind of like Morrigan when she's not complaining about stepping in wolf poo or Theron's mabari that he's affectionately named 'Barkspawn'. She certainly has some good insights when it comes to magic and explains how shapeshifting works to me. It sounds simple in theory, but in practice it may be a fucking nightmare. Morrigan says she's never been inclined to turn into another person, but i keep the potential for that in mind.</p><p>If you hadn't guessed already, i have a thing, a kink, if you will, for experimenting with magic. I hate the restrictive spells they teach in the Circle. If i want to create a fireball my fucking way i'll do it my fucking way.</p><p>The wolves don't leave my side because apparently i'm their new mother (yikes, i'm only sixteen). Once they've had a bath and proper grooming, they are absolutely gorgeous. There's two boys and a girl and, although the boys are boisterous, i'm glad to see that the girl keeps a tight leash on them. A downside is that Akela and Daruka (the boys) keep snarling at Alistair whenever he gets too close. I hush them but that doesn't seem to deter them. </p><p>I can only thank the Maker that they don't share a tent with Alistair and i. </p><p>What Alistair and i have isn't particularly clear cut. It's grey and fuzzy in a lot of places and hasn't got much clearer since we fell into bed together. (Completely platonically, of course. I was fifteen at the time and Alistair was terrified to touch me until i turned sixteen). I can't tell if he's disappointed that i'm not a Grey Warden or not, but he still cuddles me like he used to, even when he wakes up with terrible nightmares.</p><p>I have nightmares too.</p><p>Just, you know, not the darkspawn-Archdemon-Blight-impending doom kind.</p><p> </p><p>I like Theron, i really do. He sends me grateful looks when i stop Alistair from teasing he and Morrigan about their dalliance. He saved me from being impaled by a Shriek and beheaded by a Hurlock. </p><p>But by the Maker, why won't he stop asking me about my past?</p><p>Surely he can't be <em>that</em> oblivious. Then, of course, i think of the effort it took for Theron to recognise Morrigan flirting with him. I swear, she could dance naked in front of him wearing a sign that says 'Make Love to Me' and he'd ask her if she were cold. </p><p>In any case, my past is not up for discussion. I show one eensy weensy bit of Elven knowledge and Theron is immediately badgering me about where i learned it. Apparently what i talked about was not known to many clans, let alone any humans. </p><p>Alistair finds me sat by a small stream. "Uh, i just saw Raksha chasing Theron away, nipping at his heels as Barkspawn helped. Is something wrong?"</p><p>"He's just... prying too much." I huff, tossing a pebble into the water. "I made the mistake of telling him that i grew up with the Dalish."</p><p>I scooch over as Alistair sits next to me on the rock shelf, wrapping an arm around me. "I grew up with dogs." He offered. "If that makes you feel any better."</p><p>"He just can't take a hint."</p><p>"Nope. But that's part of his charm." Alistair gave a shrug. "How's your shapeshifting coming along?"</p><p>I beam and hop to my feet. I've been practicing, mostly when it's late at night and there's absolutely nothing to do because Oghren insists on dragging Alistair, Theron, Sten and Zevran to the nearest tavern. I focus my magic, my grasp of the fade, and only open my eyes when i hear Alistair gasp. "Andraste's ass, that's not really what my hair looks like, is it?" The Grey Warden pouts, patting his hair. </p><p>"No, but it's what my hair looks like." I quip. It's strange to hear myself talking in Alistair's voice. I can do animals, too, so i close my eyes again and change into a raven. </p><p>Eventually, shapeshifting is forgotten in favour of, ehem, a 'dalliance under the moon'. </p><p> </p><p>I don't mind camping, especially not if i've got Alistair with me, but Maker it is nice to sleep in a real bed. Growing up with the Dalish and now roughing it in the wilderness loses its novelty after a while and Arl Eamon insists that it's the least that he can do after they saved his family and Redcliffe. The Arl treats us to dinner and that's where the fateful discussion arises.</p><p>Previous partners.</p><p>Oghren is discussing loudly with Zevran how many partners they've had and it was only a matter of time before Oghren's attention fell on Alistair and i. </p><p>Now, we were minding our own business. I was chatting in Orlesian to Isolde (yes, i know Orlesian, i'm not an uncultured barbarian, thank you very much) while Alistair entertained Connor when Zevran found a lull in my conversation with the Arlessa.</p><p>"My dear, might i ask how many partners you've had in the past?" The Crow asks, unperturbed by Isolde's glare at the thought of Connor hearing this.</p><p>"Er..." While Alistair might be listening to Connor talk rapidly, he is definitely listening. "Well, i've only just turned seventeen so... Not many."</p><p>"How many is not many?" Oghren pressed. "Ten? Twenty?"</p><p>Eamon looks suitably uncomfortable and immediately starts talking loudly with Teagan. The topic is dropped until Alistair and I get ready for bed. </p><p>"Maker, i have missed beds." I sigh, falling back on the double bed. "Might miss having a stone digging into my back, though."</p><p>Alistair is shuffling by the bed. This usually means he wants to ask me something but is nervous because he's not so brilliant with girls. I pop one eye open to look at him. He half-smiles half-grimaces. "So, er, how many relationships have you had?"</p><p>"Ugh, not this-"</p><p>"Oh come on, i'll tell you mine." Alistair offers. </p><p>I frown. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Alistair pouts so i sigh and prop myself up on one elbow. "So... i suppose there was the Second from my Clan, Ilan. Then there was Fenare, a trainee hunter." I scratch my head, trying to remember. To my brain, the only real partner i've had is Alistair. "Then there was Karl and Anders-"</p><p>"Together?" Alistair squawked.</p><p>"Problem?" I raise an eyebrow. "It's alright, love. What i had with Anders and Karl was mostly just meaningless animal sex." I blink. "Hmm. That sounded better in my head."</p><p>Alistair pouts again, lip jutting out. "Mages from the Circle?"</p><p>I sit up. "Are you jealous? Ali, you know i much prefer you to Karl or Anders." The stubborn Grey Warden goes to turn away. "Love, i much prefer what we have. We have passion, intimacy and love. This is the best i've ever had."</p><p>"Until now." </p><p>Suddenly i have a lapful of Grey Warden. Some nights, we wrestle for control, for the position on top, but for now, we mark our claims on each other and have some pretty raunchy sex. Passionate enough that, the next morning, Oghren cheers Alistair and makes him choke on his bread while Teagan won't meet his eye.</p><p> </p><p>The Battle of Denerim... Well, it doesn't go as well as i'd hoped.</p><p>Fortunately, Theron strikes the killing blow against the Archdemon, surviving in the process. I, however, am practically incinerated by an Emissary, so i don't get a chance to see the Blight ended.</p><p>Try not to worry. By 'incinerated', i mean, 'My magic reacts to a darkspawn nearly killing me and drags its useless meatsack into the Fade'. Now, you know about as much as i do. Well, that and it was painful. Like, seriously painful. </p><p>I speak to some spirits and they suggest it might be because of the old magic in my blood and my Dreamer abilities. Fortunately for me, i don't appear to need food in the Fade. Unfortunately for me, i could find no way out. I make a resolution, however, that once i get out, i'm demanding compensation because the Maker's bosom is nothing like i thought it would be.</p><p>For all the spirits of the Fade have practically unlimited knowledge and lore, they know jack shit about dates. I ask one spirit, a spirit of Valor, who says it's 5:24 Exalted, currently in the middle of the final battle against the Archdemon Andoral. Another spirit says it's 9:31 during the Battle of Ostagar.</p><p>Resigned to never being able to know what the date is, i settle down and start trying to find a way out of this Maker-forsaken place. I have a theory and after multiple failed attempts, i <em>finally</em> succeed.</p><p>But, of course, i land in the middle of the ocean.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know whether to laugh or cry when i'm picked up by a ship with a Chantry Seeker and a dozen Templars. In the end, my body settles on passing out. Thankfully, they don't clap me in irons straight away. The last thing i hear before i pass out is one of the Templars insisting he knows me.</p><p>The Seeker and Templar look mildly concerned that i'm going to choke on the food i'm devouring. "Are you normally this hungry?" The Seeker asks dryly.</p><p>"You try being stuck in the Fade for-" I pause. "How long have i been gone for?"</p><p>"Well, it's 9:40 Dragon." The Templar offers.</p><p>"Eight years. <em>Fuck</em>." I wash down the bread and cheese with some ale. "Are you going to take me to the Circle, now?" The pair blanch, making me glance between them. "What?"</p><p> </p><p>With the Breach in the Sky, my dreams are filled with spirits clamouring to be heard, begging me to seal the tear in the Veil. As a result, i'm getting increasingly irritable and on-edge by the time i stumble down to the cells below the Chantry to examine the weird-ass mark on the prisoner's hand. The prisoner, a Dalish elf, had remained unconscious for about three days. The mark is spreading but through a combined effort of myself and the elven apostate, Solas (he's really familiar but i can't place my finger on it), the Mark stops spreading enough that we're 90% sure that the prisoner isn't going to disintegrate under a body-sized mark.</p><p>I'm talking quietly with Josephine when Leliana emerges from the cells and asks me to go into the Valley with her, to the Breach. The prisoner is awake and Cassandra is going to take the prisoner to the Breach to try and seal it. I hate going near that thing, but i trail after the Nightingale as she goes to rally some of her agents.</p><p>They stumble across another rift on the way to the Temple and i try my best to crudely stitch the Veil back together. There's no finesse, driven by desperation. It's like stitching a wound back together with a blunt stick and a long piece of grass. This is only a temporary solution. The Veil where i've done a poor job of sealing is weak and liable to tear at any given moment. </p><p>Still, it's enough for us to keep moving.</p><p> </p><p>I blame Solas.</p><p>Whenever i'm presented with a challenge, i find myself trying to conquer it. I overheard him talking to Varric, claiming that teleportation is not possible as magic simply doesn't work that way. Naturally, i have to set about formulating theories and ideas for some kind of instant long-distance transportation (faster than horses, anyway). Most of my energy is spent on researching rifts, but this little project becomes a side hobby. </p><p>I barely register when i'm summoned to the War Room by one of Leliana's agents. The prisoner is awake, apparently.</p><p>I'm fiddling with one of the War Table markers when Cassandra and the prisoner enter. He's Dalish, alright, and wearing horrible brown clothes that I remember Josephine assuring me were the height of fashion. He's older than me, possibly nearer Cassandra's age, and he bears the vallaslin of Andruil. He's got long, dark brown hair and dark green eyes. Beyond my brief appraisal of him, i grow bored as Cassandra introduces the advisors.</p><p>"And this is our Arcane Advisor to the Inquisition." Cassandra said. </p><p>The prisoner/Herald gives me a surprisingly bright smile. </p><p>Ugh. </p><p>"Aneth ara," I greet, making his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. "Dar hamin?"</p><p>He nods. "Ir enfenim. Ar enfenim setheneran."</p><p>"Halam'shivanas." I say dryly before turning my attention back to the other advisors who are gaping at me.</p><p>The War meeting is mostly depressing, with the others talking about how they can't turn to the mages or the templars for help. I'm all for the mages as templars make my skin crawl but Cullen, because he's Cullen, simply has to disagree with me. Josephine, ever the diplomat, must sense a circular and explosive argument brewing and suggests that the Herald (damn, i haven't even learned his name yet. I should really read the reports Leliana sends me) go to the Hinterlands to meet Mother Giselle. It's a clear invitation for Cullen and i to go fuck off and not cause any more trouble.</p><p> </p><p>My experiments can easily go wrong, hence why i'm currently stood in the middle of the woods with no one around. I'm trying to create a... well, it's best described as a Door. Something you can step through to cross long-distances. Since this is a first attempt and i'm not an idiot, i don't go through the first door myself. </p><p>Nah, i just chuck a tree branch through, watching carefully for what happens when it emerges the other side. It emerges in splinters and shredded leaves, much to my dismay. It could be worse. The Door isn't particularly stable, but i suppose i can just work on it. </p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>I sigh and turn to see Solas standing there looking curious. "Trying to create a... a Door in the air. That can lead to anywhere."</p><p>The apostate frowned. "Do you have a theory?"</p><p>Yes, but i don't want to tell you. Creators, i have nothing against Solas but he has a habit of being a bit condescending whenever someone tries to talk to him about magic. I sigh. "It would require a somniari, a Dreamer, and a lot of practice."</p><p>"Dreamers are in short supply, are they not?"</p><p>Fuck, did he just make a joke? "Yes, well, fortunately, i'm one. So that solves that problem."</p><p>Solas' eyes widened. Damn, i think i just made a mistake. It'll be Theron Mahariel all over again. He offers to tutor and teach me and i have the most horrible feeling that he's not going to let this go. I tell him i'll think about it and them promptly leg it out of the clearing, only to run straight into a slab of horned muscle. </p><p>"Hey, where's the fire?" The Qunari chuckles, lifting me back up onto my feet. I vaguely remember reading a report from Leliana about a Qunari ben-hassrath spy coming to work in the Inquisition.</p><p>"You're the Iron Bull, i presume?"</p><p>"That's me, Company Leader of the Bull's Chargers." He says proudly. "But seriously, you running from someone?"</p><p>"Only my dignity."</p><p> </p><p>You know what's more annoying than a Tevinter Mage?</p><p>A Tevinter Mage by the name of Dorian Pavus who preens and has far too much self-confidence to be natural. He's very curious about my role as Arcane Advisor and my Dreamer status. Considering Solas isn't the most approachable man in the world, Dorian takes pleasure in poking and prodding me with questions. He also flirts outrageously with me (along with anything that walks), but he assured me once when he'd made a comment about how we would be a power couple, only for Cullen to storm off, that he was firmly into Men.</p><p>I've noticed that Dorian has an eye for Mahanon. Given the horrible future they experienced together, i'm not surprised they're close. Mahanon seems taken with the Tevinter, too, which does surprise me. One would've thought that a Tevinter Mage and a Dalish elf was just a recipe for disaster. </p><p>Whenever i ask Dorian about Mahanon, the Tevinter replies by teasing me about Cullen. </p><p>I bristle at that.</p><p>While Cullen doesn't take lyrium anymore (he told me over a drunken conversation we had), he'll always be a templar at heart. And I, being a mage, have no place in that heart, no matter how much i may wish it. I've thought about sending a letter to Alistair (King Alistair, now. Fuck), but i can't bring myself to. Leliana told me shortly after i arrived at Haven that Alistair become somewhat of a workaholic, allegedly drowning himself in work to forget my 'death'. Josephine offered to send him a letter but i told her that i would do it in time.</p><p>'In time' meaning 'never'.</p><p> </p><p>I don't talk about what happened in those eight years. Many have asked, only to be told to fuck off.</p><p>I adapted to living in the Fade, i changed so that i wouldn't go mad. That's not to say, however, that there aren't scars from it.</p><p>Mahanon asked me to come with him in their siege of Adamant, that i might know how to disrupt the blood rituals going on. Of course i've developed a blood-magic purging spell and use it readily against the Grey Wardens, but it doesn't do jack shit against a dragon infected with red lyrium that makes you and the others tumble into the Fade.</p><p>It's how i remember it and it scares the fucking shit out of me. While the others are standing at weird angles, i'm trying not to have a panic attack. </p><p>The world, the Fade, is spinning and my vision is starting to tunnel. It's Bull who notices my increasing failure to breathe and, using some weird ben-hassrath technique, manages to calm me down. Cole is also starting to panic, though i don't blame him. Mahanon is doing his best to calm him down and while he tries to do that, Hawke comes over to where i've just finished throwing up. </p><p>"The Fade doesn't agree with you?" The Champion asks, amused. </p><p>"If i never see the Fade again, it'll be too soon." I groan. "Thank you for taking such enjoyment in my distress."</p><p>The Champion and i have grown to be friends in the time that he's been at Skyhold. Being a mage himself, he was very curious about what my role exactly was. His interest in me is purely platonic, his heart laying in the hands of one Tevinter Elf. Hawke stays near me as we venture through the Fade and calms me down when Cassandra demands to know whether the Justinia they were seeing is a spirit or not.</p><p>We find gravestones with all our names on. My eyes drift to mine, but i don't know why i'm curious. I know what it reads.</p><p>Fear.</p><p>When a big fucking nightmare demon spider fucker stands in our way of freedom, Hawke and Stroud start bickering over who should stay and give the rest time to get away. I'm no scholar, but i know that we can all fucking make it if we leg it.</p><p>Mahanon closes the rift behind us, making cheers erupt from all around.</p><p> </p><p>Cassandra is grumpy.</p><p>While this isn't much of a new revelation, she's particularly vigorous in her attempts to destroy the training dummy. I approach her warily, my notes and a book clutched in one hand. "What's wrong, Seeker?"</p><p>The Seeker gives one of her infamous disgusted noises. "The Champion has brought his paramour and his... friend." She spat. "The one who destroyed the Chantry."</p><p>Ah. That's why she was so grumpy. She wants to murder the apostate but can't because he has the protection of the Champion of Kirkwall and the Inquisitor.</p><p>Hmm. Anders may be free of murder-by-Seeker, but he's not free of my unholy wrath.</p><p>He's talking with Mahanon, Varric, Hawke, and a white-haired elf i presume is Fenris when i find him. "ANDERS!" I shout, slamming the door behind me. Anders jumps out of his skin, turning to see me striding towards him. He begins spluttering, but i grab his ear and yank hard, not letting go. "What in the name of the Creators were you thinking, blowing up the Chantry? I should show you what happens to idiot mages who start a nation-wide rebellion and start a war that leaves thousands of refugees and damage and instability!"</p><p>"Should we help?" Mahanon looks uncertain.</p><p>"NO!"</p><p> </p><p>It's a rainy day when i finally manage to master my Doors. It's stable enough that, when i pass through, i don't turn into paste.</p><p>Why i choose Cullen's office, i don't know, but it's worth it for the way it makes the Commander jump out of his skin, gaping. I do a little victory dance and then promptly skip away to find Solas to rub it in his fucking face.</p><p> </p><p>Expensive luxuries start appearing on my desk in my office. </p><p>And, by expensive luxuries, i mean anything that's not bare necessities. First it's a box of tiny, frilly cakes that are so sweet i lay in bed for the rest of the day, green and constantly throwing up. The next, it's a bottle of perfume that smells like something that's come out of the back-end of a wyvern. By the third, i'm starting to think someone's playing a prank on me. It's a fancy bottle with some kind of spirit in, which wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the fact that it has a worm in the bottom. </p><p>Several mages come running when i let out a blood-curdling scream, dropping the bottle on the floor. </p><p>Dorian finds it very funny when i refuse to leave the rotunda until my office floor is scrubbed clean.</p><p>Sera claims to know nothing of the things being left on my desk, says that if she were trying to play a prank, she'd leave a nug or a jar of bees, not frilly cakes. </p><p>I'm grumbling about my predicament when Cassandra practically screams at me that it's Cullen, before clapping a hand over her mouth and going bright red.</p><p>Perhaps word reaches whoever (Cullen (?)) and they start leaving more practical things. </p><p>You know, things that don't make me vomit or retch or scream.</p><p>Notes start appearing with the gifts and it's a vaguely familiar handwriting, though i can't think where i've seen it before. I'm left to wonder about my 'admirer' for a while longer because my attention is redirected on the Royal Guest they were receiving.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Josephine and Leliana had, apparently, grown tired of me putting off writing to the King (fuck) of Ferelden and decided to take matters into their own hands. They sent a letter to Alistair, inviting him to Skyhold for a banquet celebrating a year since closing the Breach. Then they decided it would be a good idea to tell me the hour before he was supposed to arrive.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Leliana, Vivienne and Josephine decide to dress me in a dress of dark green and gold, to match my eyes (ugh). I dislike having other people touch my hair and Vivienne resorts to freezing my hands together to stop me from shooing away the girl doing my hair. </p><p>I draw the line at makeup. </p><p>By the time i emerge from the room and we start to descend to the main hall, i feel like i'm walking to the gallows. By some miracle, i fix a vaguely pleasant (read: not intimidating) expression onto my face by the time we reach the main hall. </p><p>For some bizarre reason, we have to enter in couples at a time so some pompous fuckwad can announce us in turn.</p><p>Why? We live here!</p><p>By some strange coincidence, i end up paired with Cullen. "You look beautiful." He murmurs as Mr Fuckwad is announcing us.</p><p>"This dress reminds me too much of mage robes. And the <em>shoes</em>, Creators." I mutter back. "Not good for running in."</p><p>"And who would you need to run from?"</p><p>"Handsy nobles," I shoot back. </p><p>We take our seats at the head table on the left hand side of Mahanon who looks just as uncomfortable as i do. </p><p>Good.</p><p>The banquet cannot start until all the most esteemed guests arrive. The one most of them are waiting for is King Alistair. Apparently, he arrived a few hours before the banquet but was whisked away by tailors to get ready. Just as i hear an Orlesian noble complaining about King Alistair being late, Monsieur Fuckwad announces the arrival of King Alistair. </p><p>The King (Fuck) has pride of place on the right hand side of Mahanon, between the Inquisitor and the Ambassador. I wonder if that's intentional. That, between, Alistair and i are two men and it would be very awkward to speak over two people, let alone one.</p><p>Alistair doesn't really recognise me and i can't tell if i'm relieved or hurt.</p><p>Granted, it has been ten years since we've seen each other and the years have been very different for the both of us.</p><p> </p><p>Josephine tells me that this banquet is being used by nobles as a way to parade their eligible daughters before the King in the hopes that he will take notice. He has, apparently, resisted and rebuffed any attempts for him to marry. I'm mildly disgusted at the thought of this celebration being used as a cattle show, but can hardly say anything otherwise Josephine will literally kill me.</p><p>With her bare hands.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>The main courses are finished and the tables pushed back to make room for dancing. Dessert is, apparently, something to pick at, with dancing being the main focus after dinner. Just as Cullen is about to ask me to dance (at least, i'm fairly sure. Either that or he turned to tell me i have lettuce in my teeth), Cassandra comes along and whisks him away to the dance floor, much to his protest and surprise. </p><p>I spot Dorian and decide to go pester him when i accidentally walk into someone. Damn, Josie's going to break her clipboard. She looks furious when she hurries over to potentially defuse a situation between King (Fuck) Alistair. He looks at me with barely any trace of recognition. That stings, but i figure it's for the best. </p><p>"King Alistair, might i present to you the Inquisition's Arcane Advisor." Josephine said, diverting a dispassionate gaze away from me. He doesn't seem very happy and, from how Dorian described the man from when he appeared in Redcliffe, i doubt he's been very happy for a long time.</p><p>"Are you a mage, then?" The King (Fuck) asks me.</p><p>"I am."</p><p>Alistair looks like he's bracing himself, forcing himself to be sociable and polite. "Would you like to dance?"</p><p>I balk and before i can refuse, Josephine accepts for me and practically shoves us towards the dance floor. The song playing is quite merry and, somehow, i don't fall flat on my face. Dancing isn't really my thing but it can be fun, given the right song and the right partner. It's one of those ones that involve every dancer being in line and in time, occasionally switching partners for the function of keeping the dance moving. I manage to escape an extremely handsy noble before finding myself with Cassandra. </p><p>"I thought you didn't dance." The Seeker says dryly.</p><p>"Doesn't mean i can't." I retort before twirling away into the arms of Alistair once more. As he whisks me away, i glare at a smirking Cassandra.</p><p>He actually looks like he's having fun and a reluctant smile drifts onto his face. We haven't really spoken much, but i think we're just content in each other's company. He accidentally steps on my foot and somehow, we end up tumbling to the floor in a tangled mess. </p><p>I can hear a sound that makes my heart ache and i realise it's Alistair laughing. Creators, i've missed his laugh. It's infectious and i'm laughing too. He climbs to his feet and helps me to my feet and we're blissfully oblivious of Josephine fluttering around us, asking if we're alright. </p><p>He leads me off the dance floor and back to some seats, right near the cheese boards. Ah, yes, his unholy love for cheese. I'm glad that's not changed.</p><p>"I didn't hurt you, did i?" Alistair asks, still chuckling.</p><p>"No, no, i'm fine." I wave him off. </p><p>"I promise i'm better at dancing." He insists. "Maker knows Teagan has had me take dance lessons for a decade now."</p><p>"It was a very chaotic dance." I reason. "But i'm glad you're not throwing a tantrum."</p><p>Alistair shudders. "Yes. I know some people who can be like that."</p><p>We chat for a bit longer, nibbling on some cheese and crackers, when Cole appears out of nowhere, practically hysterical. He keeps saying Mahanon's mark is playing up and Solas can't stabalise it. I rush after the spirit without thought, leaving the King sat by himself.</p><p>Eventually, Solas and i manage to calm the Mark enough that Mahanon stops screaming and crying. I let Dorian back in (I had to shoo Dorian out because he was getting in the way and clucking like a mother hen) and i return to the banquet. Mahanon is meant to make a speech soon and Josephine looks concerned that he won't be there. I quietly explain what happened to the Ambassador but Mahanon finds his feet enough to stand up by the throne and make a speech.</p><p>Done for the night, i disappear to my office and quarters, promptly flopping into a little heap on my bed.</p><p> </p><p>I hate war meetings where nothing happens.</p><p>The ones where we discuss what should be done with a noble and his first-world problem. It's boring, it's dull. But they're necessary if we want to maintain a noble's favour. I can tell as Mahanon and Josephine stroll into the war room that it's going to be one of <em>those</em>.</p><p>"We have something to discuss with you." Josephine says, mainly directed at Cullen and i. "In light of the events at the Winter Palace and the banquet last night, there have been... offers." Mahanon winces and Cullen and i glance at each other. "For marriage."</p><p>Um.</p><p>"Maker, no!" Cullen looks horrified.</p><p>"Empress Celene has requested a marriage alliance with you through a distant relative of hers." Josephine says. "We would be fools to refuse."</p><p>"And me? I'm a mage. It would be a scandal." It's a weak argument but fuck, i don't want to be chained to some stranger.</p><p>Josephine hesitates. "You have received two major proposals. The many others we can afford to turn down."</p><p>"And they are?"</p><p>"Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons."</p><p>I gag.</p><p>"And King Alistair."</p><p>"Wait, is- is that why you were so insistent i spend time with King Alistair?" I demand. "You were trying to set us up?"</p><p>"Set you up? You two were lovers!" Leliana retorts.</p><p>"That was in a different time and between different people." I sigh. "Is there really no way we can avoid this?"</p><p>"Given the events at Redcliffe and the Inquisitor making a full alliance with the mages, it would do well for our relations to the Crown." Josephine says carefully. "Empress Celene has written us to say that we should not let her cousin bully us."</p><p>"But we should let the Empress do it instead?" Cullen snaps. </p><p>Fuck, this is a mess. A big whole mess.</p><p>"When did the offer from Alistair come in?" I ask, mildly curious.</p><p>"He approached me after you went to help the Inquisitor." Josephine says. "I had a feeling he would ask me something of that nature, though i thought he might ask for Cassandra or Leliana instead."</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>"And when does he want an answer?"</p><p>"He's hoping to marry you before he goes back to Denerim in a month."</p><p>Double fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone i ask, even Cullen, says it's not a bad idea. </p><p>It looks like Leliana is going to become Divine and, with her plan to dissolve the Circles, i would be free to be with Alistair. Josephine also tells me that whoever becomes Divine is going to officially recognise my marriage (fuck) to Alistair, so it shouldn't pose much of a problem.</p><p>I get slightly mixed reactions, though. Cullen goes very quiet and says it would mean the best like for me (that's not a no, right?), Dorian warns me not to end up taking over the world with Alistair and Cassandra gets all fluttery and says it's just like one of her romance stories (ugh).</p><p>But, for the sake of not entering a marriage of lies, i ask to speak to Alistair in the gardens. When i see him, he looks hopeful and has a bundle of... are those herbs?</p><p>"My lady, i'm glad i got to meet with you." Alistair says, taking my invitation to sit next to me. "I know you are a mage and i don't think flowers are much use to a mage, beyond looking pretty. These are some herbs that aren't usually found in Ferelden or Orlais." He holds them out to me and i feel my cheeks go red. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>I accept them. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>"Alistair, i should tell you something." I say. "I don't want to go into this... this marriage with secrets."</p><p>Alistair nods. "You realise i know you're a mage, right?"</p><p>I roll my eyes. "Yes, i do. But what i was going to say was that... well, i took part in the Battle of Denerim. And i, er, i didn't die but i somehow crossed physically into the Fade. I was there for eight years until i finally found a way out."</p><p>"That must've been terrible." Alistair looks... horrified. And confused. Like he wonders why i'm telling him this. Why i'm baring my heart to him.</p><p>"Yeah, basically. And i spoke to Leliana and she said that the Grey Warden i was in love with had become King of Ferelden."</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Alistair looks at me. "I take it you didn't know Leliana sent me a letter the moment she found you weren't dead."</p><p>Double fuck. I jump to my feet, outraged. "That minx! That sneaky bastard! Why would she go behind my back like that? She said she hadn't sent you a raven and i believed her! Why did i believe her? Fuck." As i slump down on the bench, i hear chuckling. My glare makes him stop, though.</p><p>"I'm sorry, it's just... Maker, i've missed you." He sighs. "Leliana suggested i pretend not to recognise you, just to keep up appearances and see how you react. That was... Maker, that was the hardest thing i've ever done. You have no idea how much effort it took me not to pick you up and ravish you on the table."</p><p> </p><p>Cullen's marriage with Lady Miss Poofy Dress has fallen through while mine with Alistair rapidly moves forward. The Commander asks me if i'm happy, to which i reply that i'm getting there.</p><p>They knew each other, apparently, in Templar training. When i deduce that they had a few rolls in the hay, Alistair asks me if it upsets me. I shrug and say i've slept with women before. </p><p>The sex that follows is...</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently, Alistair wants us to marry quickly so none of his advisors can object, which i find hilarious. There'll be a bigger ceremony later, once i can join him in Denerim, but for now, it'll just be us, Mother Giselle and about a hundred nobles that i can't remember the names of. </p><p>When we discuss the prospect of children, Alistair hesitates. He says that Grey Wardens are practically infertile and it's very rare to conceive with a Grey Warden. </p><p>A result of the Taint.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>I mentioned before that when i see a challenge, i can't refuse it? Well, now i'm on a quest to find a cure for the Taint.</p><p>Damn my pride.</p><p>Whenever i find of contemporary opinions prove to be worth jack squat, so i ask around in the Fade for the spirit's opinions. They say spirit possession is the easiest way, but i doubt that that's a suitable wide-spread solution. They show me different accounts from different races, the dwarves, the elves. They even show me the Magisters entering the Golden City.</p><p>From what i can tell, and from what Solas so helpfully offers, that Taint originates from <em>something</em> in the Void. What that something is, i don't know, but that makes it somewhat easier to detect a cure. Some spirits suggest blood magic, but that's a slippery fucking slope. Others advise looking to dragons. Those magnificent beasts are highly resistant to the taint, though not completely immune.</p><p>The Dalish have herbs that can slow the corruption, but it's the Avvar that truly give me the answer. </p><p>I'm called to the Frostback Basin, to examine the temple that Hakkon awoke in and try to see if there's anything of use. I find a few books that has its pages frozen together before returning to Stone-Bear Hold to discuss Hakkon Wintersbreath more with the Thane. </p><p>One of the books i found is particularly useful. It speaks about how the blessing of a spirit can cure most of anything, from blisters to the darkspawn taint. When i suggest my theory to the Thane, she laughs in my face and says it's well-known to the Avvar and that lowlanders are stupid.</p><p>Great. Now all i need is to find a spirit willing to bless Alistair.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>"I have a question." Dorian says as we ride back on mounts to Skyhold. "How do your portals work? And why can't we go through one now?"</p><p>"Because we've got a fucking bear trailing behind us, Dorian, that's why." I jab my finger back in the direction of Storvacker. "A possessed bear."</p><p>"Yes, but how do they work?" Dorian presses.</p><p>"It requires a Dreamer." I sigh. "A somniari. They can shape the Fade and travel in the Fade is much faster than in the real world. It sort of works like rifts, except less volatile. It involves pressing the Veil so two pieces meet. Then you can create a Door or a Window and step through."</p><p>"Fascinating." Dorian looks like a child at Satinalia.</p><p>"However, if it's too unstable, it can either tear you into pieces or turn you into paste."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p> </p><p>My starts relatively cheerful. A runner dropped a letter off with me from Alistair, making me go slightly pink. Breakfast was good and i only just managed to extricate myself from a conversation with Solas about the Doors i can make.</p><p>My mood sours when i see Cullen and Blackwall at each other's throat, arguing. Josephine is hovering nearby, worried and a crowd is gathering. I push my way through, ignoring people's grumblings. I don't know what Cullen and Blackwall are arguing about (but i have a pretty good idea, *cough* Thom Rainier *cough*) and i don't care. They don't notice me until i grab two ears, one from each, and yank hard.</p><p>I may be a mage and i have the elements at my fingertips, but creators, sometimes physical force is the most effective thing.</p><p>The warriors squeak and follow my hands as i drag them apart. "I thought Skyhold was a fortress for the Inquisition, not a playground where little boys can get into fisticuffs." I say harshly, ignoring the two's protests. "Now, if i let go, are you two going to descend into chaos again?" I roll my eyes as they burst into arguments again. I pinch their ears harder and they quieten. "You two are esteemed members of the Inquisition. Act like it." </p><p>Since they won't behave, i drag Blackwall over to the stables (with Cullen trailing behind me, stooped. I'm at least a head shorter than him.), ordering Horsemaster Dennet to make sure he doesn't leave the stables for the rest of the day, before dragging Cullen to his office. </p><p>The scout, Jim, walks in just as i'm berating Cullen for acting like a child. </p><p>The agents on patrol can only watch as their fellow scout is tossed out of the office, the door slamming behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Corypheus is dead. Solas fucked off. Leliana is Divine. Mahanon's mark is probably going to kill him. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>I found Solas in the Fade, once, and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. He just smiled sadly and asked me to show him a good memory.</p><p>Leliana kept her promise and officiated Alistair and I's marriage in a lavish ceremony, so no one could hardly complain. It took a while for the nobles in the Ferelden court to come round to me and they only did because when Alistair left to deal with trouble in the Bannorn and left me to be steward, i apparently proved myself as something more than just a mage. </p><p>Alistair and i have fought before. Mostly bickering. But still.</p><p>We fight the night before i'm set to leave for the Exalted Council. He says it's dangerous, that something could happen and that's why Teagan is representing the Crown. I retort that Mahanon and Leliana asked me to be there so i'm going and that's final. He pouts like a child but refuses to make peace before i leave.</p><p> </p><p>Fighting Qunari is surprisingly fun but surprisingly hard, though. </p><p>And then we fight a dragon.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>I wake up in the infirmary, Teagan and Cullen hovering over me worriedly. Apparently i passed out after using too much magic.</p><p>Fucking dragon.</p><p>Mahanon lugged me back here before running off to stop the Qunari plot. He came back and then declared the Inquisition disbanded.</p><p>I pass out when Mahanon tells me that Solas is Fen'Harel.</p><p>Double fuck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I used the DA wiki to compile some elven sentences and this is what i intended them to mean:<br/>Aneth ara: A sociable or friendly greeting, more commonly used among the Dalish themselves rather than with outsiders.<br/>Dar hamin: you are rested?<br/>Ir enfenim. Ar enfenim setheneran: I'm scared. I'm scared of the Breach.<br/>Halam'shivanas: the sweet sacrifice of duty</p><p>The Doors: essentially portals. I figure a dreamer, who can shape the Fade, can also shape the Veil as well. It's basically like if you have a balloon and then press two fingers either side so they touch in the middle. That's how i imagine portals being made.</p><p>Constructive comments are always welcome, as are kudos<br/>(Think of it like this: the more kudos means the more likely i'll continue this series. I already have plot bunnies leaping around in this empty skull of mine)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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